Just a Moment Monday {or a day to grieve}

I remember leaving my dad a message about how I saw the F-35 fly by out my window. He had to settle for the shots for the superbowl audience. So, it wasn't weird to me when he called back a little while later. But he was calling my husband's phone. I feel like that should have been a warning. But I wasn't prepared. I can still hear him saying, "This is going to be hard..." like it was yesterday. But it wasn't yesterday. Its been a year since my mom died.

I lost my mom a week after moving to Fort Worth and a day after moving into our house. I lost her at 25 and five months pregnant. While I don't think there's ever a good time or a time you're ready for something like that, I think it would have been nice if my suitcases were at least unpacked from the move.

There's some things I learned in the days following her death. People ask stupid questions. I ended up calling a lot of my mom's friends to tell them of her passing. One of my former girl scout troop leaders called me back three different times to ask what had happened in painful details. She wanted specifics and  always seemed to have a new question she felt she needed answered. Who does that? Oh, and random people asking what's happening to her art. REALLY?

You just have to breath and take it in stride. Its ok to tell people its none of their business. Its also ok to be vulnerable and answer. But most importantly, its ok to cry in the middle of the bread isle of Safeway.

 People bring over a lot of food but don't think to ask what you already have or what you might like. We got two, count them two honey baked hams AFTER we had the wake. Really people? While generosity abounded, I think the uncertainty of how to handle the situation often overran people's common sense.

Its ok to ask people to bring specific things. I think they really want guidance but don't know how to ask when you've got so much else to think about. Its ok to give the food to other people when you get way more than you can handle. We were able to donate some of the food to a local shelter. And its ok to eat every last bite of it in one sitting even tough its enough food for three days.

What I was most thankful for was friends who let me go at my own pace when it came to talking. I was thankful for the friend who picked up the phone, no matter what time and what she was doing. And I was thankful for the people that acknowledged they had no clue what on earth to do but would do anything. And they kept that promise when it took me some time to figure out what I needed. 

And so, I'm saving today for cuddling with my little girl. I'm saving it for eating a ton of junk and crying all I want. And then I'll do it all over again tomorrow if that's what I need. Because, if there's one thing I've learned so far....its that I'm no where near done grieving.